You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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