You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
