JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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