And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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