i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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