Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
