come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize