brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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