Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
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Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
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PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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