Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
