Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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