I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
