i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's never too late to be topless.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
