Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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