What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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