dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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