using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
