Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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