I seem to have left my pride at pride
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
