he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
