would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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