my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
