Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
handjob tips. give me some.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
