I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
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We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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