he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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