Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i've created a new STD.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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