come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize