She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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