Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ketchup is God's man juice
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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