Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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