After last night, I could never be a politician.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
