Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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