matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
