I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
