i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
