she woke up with a sticky ear
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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