she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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