and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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