I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
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So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
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Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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