so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
