I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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