As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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