This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
