careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
