I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
