There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
