I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
