I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
