There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
