My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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