I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
