there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
