she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize