So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
