Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
