Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Randomize
