I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
