your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
