so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
