To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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