i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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